I leave for my conference in Chicago in one week. One week from today, at this exact time, I should be landing in Chicago. This guess-timation is provided that American Airlines can fly on time.

I haven’t even LOOKED at my paper since I presented it in class in April. April. That’s about 3 or so months. I feel like I should be freaking out about this more. But I’m not. That worries me.

I’m presenting in a different style than a normal conference presentation. My program chair is supposed to be bringing an example for me to look at so I can at least have a clue of what I need to do. However, I haven’t heard from her. I haven’t looked at the paper. In a week or so, I’m supposed to present this thing. I don’t want to look like an ass. I really don’t. However, I think the fact that I don’t know exactly what to do is making it easier for me to stomach the fact that I haven’t touched it yet.

That, and I’ve been working on one of my book chapters. It went really well in the beginning. It got a little harder in the middle. Now I’m trying to wrap it up – the draft, that is – to send to my professor so he can look it over and make suggestions. One little thing about me is that I don’t like to look stupid. I don’t like to admit that I don’t do things perfectly the first time. So I’m driving myself absolutely crazy, trying to make it as perfect as possible.

It’s a draft.  It’s not supposed to be perfect.  Can I explain that to myself?? Nooooooo.

I’m writing this chapter because no literature exists on this topic. Woo, go me, I’m a pioneer. It’s freaking me out. Who am I to theorize on Karl Rove and his possible role in killing civilized campaigns as we know them? I have it in my head that if I Google enough, and search through every archive our library has, then I’ll magically discover literature that will help build my case. One of these days, I’ll realize that it’s up to me to write this literature.

Oy.

When did I become smart?