If you’ve read me for any stretch of time, you might have gotten the impression that I’m a little bit insane of an overachiever.  I work hard.  Very hard.  I have a lot on my plate.  I do this to myself.  I know this.  I blame no one else.

In fact, I was talking to my friend Paige earlier, and I told her I was in a lull.  She said that was good, and asked if I was almost done.  Technically, for my responsibilities to the classes I have this semester, I am.  I have a final exam, I have to write 2-3 pages for a group paper, and tweak another paper that I did a little bit.  Technically.

Then I pointed out that I’m reviewing three papers for ICA (the International Communication Asssociation conference), running a huge survey right now, and I have 4 papers that I need to buckle down, revise, and get submitted to journals already.  I forgot to mention the 2 (possibly 3) papers I have going to a conference that need to be submitted by December 1, and I think three more abstract that need to be submitted to another conference by December 15.

She told me I was insane. (She still loves me though).

So why am I having angst?  I have to meet with one of the professors I’m doing research for.  And I have no research for him.   I have been searching for the past 3 weeks to bring him stuff.  I’ve got NOTHING.  No articles, no cases (it’s legal research) and quite frankly, not 100% of a damn clue what exactly he wants.  It’s obvious that I know how to do research.  I might even be considered good at it.  But this?  I’m failing.  Miserably.  And it’s freaking me out.  I run various searches, come up with nothing, and give up on it.  I end up working on other things – things that I know I can make progress on and get out there.  I search again, for the same result.  It’s a nasty cycle.

How do I show up empty handed?  How have I been researching the same topic for 2 months now and have nothing??

In my head, this is going to be the end of the world tomorrow.  In reality, it won’t be that bad, but I can’t convince myself of it.

Sigh.

I hate letting people down.  And I feel like I’m about to.